Saturday 16 April 2011

Fourteen

thinking...
     I've been thinking alot lately, which I suppose is no surprise because I can't control my thoughts or feelings. I guess my mind is obsessed with particular things. Past mistakes and losses, the presents craziness and insecurity, the future's potential problems and struggles, all these, with many other things. Such as self-harm, self destruction, the important ones in my life, just to name a few and of course the most dangerous one, death. I feel weighed down with all these things and many more. Because I'm a bit morbid , especially at the moment, I am drawing like this woman who looks depressed. Her skin is starting to rip off because she has weights hanging off her and she's crying a lot of blood. I can relate to this picture because I can feel the weights pulling off my skin. Bit by bit it tears slowly down ripping more and more strips off me. I'm paralysed. My skin is bloody, open and raw. I can feel the pain of each bit, at times the breeze lightly blows across my extremely sensitive flesh. I try to scream but no noise comes out of my mouth. I'm trapped and everybody just stares... no one will help me. More people come and they start pointing and laughing, whispering about me. I'm pleading silently, but nobody comes to my aid. Can you imagine, I mean truly imagine, your flesh getting slowly ripped off you? Imagine how much pain that would be. Wouldn't you be begging for death? I know I am. Mine is my inner skin being torn from within and the pain, at times, is excruciating! Wouldn't you just want to die, want it all to stop? Well people, welcome to my world.

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