Tuesday 31 May 2011

Forty Five

                One step for mankind one giant leap back for me. So life’s tough hey, tell me about it. The other night I succumbed to the pain, to the noise, to the darkness. The feelings, as always, were severely intense, my head was filled with loud noise and forceful thoughts shooting all around! I couldn’t take it anymore, and then my mood flipped. I changed in to this surreal type of state, you know the kind where you would drive 100kms an hour in a 50 zone just to see what would happen. I ended up getting a razor and slashing around my wrist over and over again. It was like I couldn’t stop. I had paper down for the blood to drip all over. I wrote pain in the blood on the paper – hmm art work – but I was bleeding so much that the page filled up and the blood went everywhere. As the blood kept running from my wrist down over my blood soaked hand I had a weird evil like smile on my face, like it was funny. (I say evil because to me it does not seem very healthy). I was in a very there but not there state of mind, as I seem to be suppressing even now, and I just don’t know what I am capable of. I guess I better watch out. Thank you to all my great and wonderful supportive friends and family who are still helping through this never ending inner battle, love to you – you know who you are xx

2 comments:

  1. honey :( <3
    what did the doctor say?
    sorry i cut you off today, i've been in a bad place.

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  2. Like the name change of your blog...small step towards progress????

    ReplyDelete