Forty Six

                I have had a rough few days but am feeling the load lift slightly today. The doctor has put me on a new anti-psychotic which seems to be slowly the madness upstairs down a little which is great. If just got to be weaned off the other ones I’m on also, then I won’t be so tired all the time. So this is good news I suppose you could say. The graphic nightmares I’ve been having have slightly subsided so yes, it is good news. On another note I seem to have no confidence in myself as a person. I mean I have always hated myself and confidence has been pretty grim but I can manage to make myself manage somehow. Of late this has been a real struggle. I feel like everyone, even my friends and family, are disgusted by the very sight or thought of me as I am. I feel scared to go anywhere by myself and scared that if I go with someone they will be made fun of because of my hideousness. Gosh, when does the cycle end! I am determined to make myself do these things though and push through it. Let’s hope I have the guts.