Thirty Nine

                Another bridge crossed. I went out over the weekend, on the town with a friend. Did I cope ok? Yes. I love hitting the town for a bit of a boogie. I think the fact that I stayed at my friend’s place helped a lot because I wasn’t alone as I was coming down from my high. I haven’t been blogging as much I know but I have been busy. I suppose that has become my coping mechanism . . . again. I try to be still and just sit with my feelings but they are so intense. It’s scary. I’m worried about what I might do and how bad the consequences may be if not handled. Cutting, cutting, cutting – When I’m awake, I’m thinking about it. When I’m asleep, I’m dreaming about it. Is this, I wonder, what drug addicts go through too? Is it the same kind of addiction? If I cut myself have I failed and taken an ecstasy tablet? Have I been too hard on and critical of these people for far too long? Just once, I hear whispering to me through the noise in my head. ‘Just one time that’s all you need, come on do it.’ AAAHHHH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! But who am I yelling this to? Me? I want me to leave me alone... yeah that makes perfect sense :-/ Even though I only just started, the DBT seems to be really good and fingers crossed it has some helpful tips on sorting me out upstairs, please please pleeeeaaaassseee. My mood has been average but I suppose missing all my friends doesn’t help with that. Busy busy busy until I find a better way. The only thing is that dealing with the difficulties this way doesn’t solve anything.