Forty Eight

                I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. My Bff has returned home and we had a good time up here together. I just felt, while she was here, that I was letting her down in some way. We went to the fun parks and I was very anxious about going on the bigger rides so we didn’t – hardly seems fair hey. Also my medication is making me really sleepy all the time. I get a proper night sleep and still feel like I could sleep all day, it’s crazy! I don’t want to take any more pills because the side effects I seem to get are just ridiculous. So I see the psych tomorrow and fingers crossed we can work something out. My inner turmoil is still gurgling away. I don’t know how to cope with it and basically everyday things. I can feel myself sliding back but have no control of it. Cutting seems to be a thing playing on my mind and I can’t always knock back the opportunity. So, does this make me a failure... it certainly feels like it. I don’t feel like I’m letting myself down because who cares about that. I feel like I’m letting certain people in my family down. They do so much for me and here I am, feeling as though I’m sneaking around behind their back, it makes me feel absolutely awful! You might say “well why do it then?” Haha, if only it were that simple.